Alright, so I’m going to be journaling some new entries regarding self-transformation and the way I goal seek and follow through to make my life just THAT much better. There’s a couple reasons for this:
- I’ve been looking for more direction, focus, and drive regarding what to blog about on aprilholle.com.
- I’ve been getting a lot of questions from good friends on how in the hell I can do so much and still manage to be healthy, sane and above all else happy.
- I’m also searching for a way to log my personal goals in a transparent, socially motivating way without having to be in everyone’s face about it.
So, without further ado, I want to tell you about the “I’m Sorry” & the Vacation Piggy Bank Experiment.
I used to have a really, REALLY nasty habit of apologizing for every little thing in life that would inconvenience, disturb, upset, or even affect other people. I say “used to” because its a habit that’s come back to haunt me from the past, something I thought I had broken myself of, but some how it’s come back with a vengeance.
Here are some examples of this horrible habit in action:
- I apologize for a meeting being held up even though it was someone else’s fault, or when no one else in the meting would even notice we were starting late.
- I apologize for other peoples laundry not getting done because I didn’t remind them even though they didn’t ask me to remind them in the first place.
- I apologize for being honest about my feelings because I know they really change the outcome or previous decision someone else has made. I feel guilty for making them have to revise their own thoughts and to have to second guess their own conclusions.
While this may just seem like me being really careful about other peoples feelings, I realized that it was just a plain unhealthy habit to have. Why? Because I realized that when I was REALLY saying to myself were some of the following things:
- I am unworthy of the time, energy, and effort that another person wanted to put into me or was already expecting to put into the situation.
- I not only expect of myself what I expect of others, but I feel I need to perform at a level of efficiency that’s inhuman.
- I should forgo my own opinions, thoughts and feelings, because they’re not as important as anyone else’s, from my greatest enemy to my best friend.
What this talk really boils down to is a self-esteem issue, which I’ve known about myself for a considerable amount of time and actively work on every day. So, it’s time to fix this bad habit up to keep working on building myself up instead of breaking myself down. My man and I have been looking into these kinds of things we’d like to change about ourselves with the others help, and he came up with a great idea!
The Vacation Piggy Bank
Each time I apologize for something that isn’t an honest to goodness apology, I owe the Vacation Piggy Bank a dollar. Then, when we get enough money, we’re going to put it towards a fun trip! The money is going to a good cause and helping me save, but it’s also painful to have to spend that money apologizing for things that really don’t need an apology.
So far the experiment is working! We’re a few weeks in and already I’ve seen a drastic improvement on the number of times I apologize in a day. I’m noticing that I spend more time checking in with myself before giving in to my subconscious temptation to tell myself that I’m responsible for every little tiny thing that could make the world worse off. This experiment is also helping me put these “daily crises” into perspective, now I ask myself, “Does this really matter? In a year, 5, or 10 is anyone even going to remember this moment/problem?” I’ve gone down from 20 (the day I started the experiment) to 3 or so apologies a day now. (I told you I did it alot!)
Now that I know it’s working and I’m seeing some good results I’m in search for a REAL Vacation Piggy Bank so that I can have something tangible to look at and interact with to keep up this new tradition. I’m on the look out for a really cool looking piggy bank I can deposit my “I’m Sorry” money into. I’ve found a couple of really good ones so far, but if you know of someone / some place that makes really cute Vacation themed piggy banks lemme know, because I’m on the hunt.
Also, I’d like to hear from you about how you think I can make this experiment stick in the long term while I keep working on boosting that inner self-esteem and push out the bad nasties that keep me down from what I want to accomplish.