• I’ve been looking for more direction, focus, and drive regarding what to blog about on aprilholle.com.
• I’ve been getting a lot of questions from good friends on how in the hell I can do so much and still manage to be healthy, sane and above all else happy.
• I’m also searching for a way to log my personal goals in a transparent, socially motivating way without having to be in everyone’s face about it.

So, without further ado, I want to tell you about the “I’m Sorry” & the Vacation Piggy Bank Experiment.

“I’m Sorry”

I used to have a really, REALLY nasty habit of apologizing for every little thing in life that would inconvenience, disturb, upset, or even affect other people. I say “used to” because its a habit that’s come back to haunt me from the past, something I thought I had broken myself of, but some how it’s come back with a vengeance.

Here are some examples of this horrible habit in action:

• I apologize for a meeting being held up even though it was someone else’s fault, or when no one else in the meting would even notice we were starting late.
• I apologize for other peoples laundry not getting done because I didn’t remind them even though they didn’t ask me to remind them in the first place.
• I apologize for being honest about my feelings because I know they really change the outcome or previous decision someone else has made. I feel guilty for making them have to revise their own thoughts and to have to second guess their own conclusions.

While this may just seem like me being really careful about other peoples feelings, I realized that it was just a plain unhealthy habit to have. Why? Because I realized that when I was REALLY saying to myself were some of the following things:

• I am unworthy of the time, energy, and effort that another person wanted to put into me or was already expecting to put into the situation.
• I not only expect of myself what I expect of others, but I feel I need to perform at a level of efficiency that’s inhuman.
• I should forgo my own opinions, thoughts and feelings, because they’re not as important as anyone else’s, from my greatest enemy to my best friend.

What this talk really boils down to is a self-esteem issue, which I’ve known about myself for a considerable amount of time and actively work on every day. So, it’s time to fix this bad habit up to keep working on building myself up instead of breaking myself down. My man and I have been looking into these kinds of things we’d like to change about ourselves with the others help, and he came up with a great idea!

The Vacation Piggy Bank

Each time I apologize for something that isn’t an honest to goodness apology, I owe the Vacation Piggy Bank a dollar. Then, when we get enough money, we’re going to put it towards a fun trip! The money is going to a good cause and helping me save, but it’s also painful to have to spend that money apologizing for things that really don’t need an apology.

The Experiment

So far the experiment is working! We’re a few weeks in and already I’ve seen a drastic improvement on the number of times I apologize in a day. I’m noticing that I spend more time checking in with myself before giving in to my subconscious temptation to tell myself that I’m responsible for every little tiny thing that could make the world worse off. This experiment is also helping me put these “daily crises” into perspective, now I ask myself, “Does this really matter? In a year, 5, or 10 is anyone even going to remember this moment/problem?” I’ve gone down from 20 (the day I started the experiment) to 3 or so apologies a day now. (I told you I did it alot!)

The Challenge

Now that I know it’s working and I’m seeing some good results I’m in search for a REAL Vacation Piggy Bank so that I can have something tangible to look at and interact with to keep up this new tradition. I’m on the look out for a really cool looking piggy bank I can deposit my “I’m Sorry” money into. I’ve found a couple of really good ones so far, but if you know of someone / some place that makes really cute Vacation themed piggy banks lemme know, because I’m on the hunt.

Also, I’d like to hear from you about how you think I can make this experiment stick in the long term while I keep working on boosting that inner self-esteem and push out the bad nasties that keep me down from what I want to accomplish.

Home

I live in Portland, OR in a self-renovated historic bungalow with wood floors and a fireplace. Outside the birds eat out of a feeder and play in a water fountain in my backyard garden paradise that I created myself. The neighborhood is quiet but the neighbors are extremely friendly and down to Earth. We often get together for neighborhood barbecues or coffee in the morning on each others porches. The main town center isn’t too far away from our community, allowing us access to downtown if we want to go out on the town or attend a business meeting.

Relationships

I treat myself with dignity and respect, allowing myself the time to enjoy doing things that don’t always involve work. I allow myself to appreciate life in the finer details that money can’t buy. I am proud of my life and my accomplishments. I have a loving, supportive spouse who sticks by me through the tough times and celebrates the great times. Someone that can appreciate the value of communication and understanding. I have two children whom I provide love and guidance to, teaching them about the good and the bad all while not being too serious considering they’ll get enough of that when they’re older. I still keep my exotic animals to remind me about how to adapt to life so remarkably well that it seems you were always made to do just that. I have a great group of people I call friends all over the world that I can depend on for support, guidance and a good night out. I’m extremely close with my family and even though I may live far away they know they are still close to my heart. We still make time to visit and to call each other to show we care. The people I do business with are good people with great ideas wanting to make a difference in this world. Passionate and driven to do the right thing they trust my expertise to help them in their mission. They aren’t in business for the money it makes but for the drive they have inside themselves to create and serve their customers and communities to the best of their abilities. These people compliment me by being a sounding board for my business decisions, help build our businesses together and remind me why I do what I do.

Health

I sleep well at night and wake up each morning rested and ready to take on the day. I find time to take nature hikes with the kids and relaxation through yoga and pilates practice. We have a great time cooking healthy meals at home or learning about ethic cultures while eating at local restaurants. My body feels alive and youthful since I started focusing on my overall health, both mental and physical. I don’t sweat the small stuff and I am no longer stress junkie. I respect myself by allowing myself time to reflect, stop and enjoy just for the sake of enjoying something. To make time for me and my passions that I do merely for the fact that they make me happy.

Work Style

I work both alone and with several different teams of people that vary from time to time. Allowing me to continuously create valuable relationships with a variety of people over a expansive network of industries. I work both from my home office and on the road as I travel once every one to two months for different speaking engagements. My schedule does vary quite a bit, allowing me flexibility in my day and to work when I really feel the motivation and to relax and not stress out if I’m just not feeling it between 8 AM – 5 PM. This also varies from week to week but with some lead-way, so that I can comfortably plan a few weeks in advance.

Nature of Work

I am blessed that I get to create and teach at the same time. I enjoy the strategy I do for clients and the analysis of the success of that work. I through presenting my work I am allowed the opportunity to teach my clients how they can make their business better through more than just marketing but through meaningful client interactions that can benefit them as well as the customer they’re looking to reach. Then overseeing the implementation of that strategy over many networks of integrated communications to put that plan into action. In addition to still creating, I also teach people within this process how to excel their ability to make these connections through design, communication, strategy, process and finally analysis which invariably leads to revision in most situations to increase each connections success. I enjoy solving real problems with ethical solutions in a way that is accountable and reliable. I help bring people together in a cohesive team that allows for better efficiency while allowing more honest, open communication among team members.

Financial Life

I make enough to help our family be comfortable in our 3 bedroom / 2 bath house, with the kids and a couple of trips a year, nothing crazy just your standard family vacation on the cheap, maybe skip a couple years and go some place exotic that requires a passport. I have benefits with my job, some of them people would call perks – insurance through either my husband’s full-time position or through our own insurance, my flexible schedule allows me to usually be around to pick the kids up from class if they’re sick at a drop of a hat, I can work mostly at my own time and set my pace, and even sometimes clients trade out for extras such as hotel stays or clothing. My income does fluctuate at times depending on the type of work I’m doing, but I have enough in savings (3-6 months of expenses) to wait out the dry times. I have a great credit score that I keep up on, I am extremely reliable with my bills and pay my contractors not only on time but maybe even a bit extra for an awesome job well done. Besides the house and the car I’m debt free and only have a credit card for emergencies for the business.

So what do you think? Am I asking too much?

Last night I was talking to my father about the Climategate, Cap and Trade and other world issues all of which are way way bigger than either of us, and all I had was one question, how can I help? Then dad mentioned a lesson he had shown me many years ago, “Remember the ants we used to watch when you were a kid? We need to be more like them, instead of fighting and trying to move in all different directions, we should group together and work to solve the problem.” If ants can do it, why can’t we?

Lately I’ve been hearing the rumblings of a revolution, and I love it. I hear empowered passionate voices of community members looking for value, acceptance and critique, and I embrace it. And I ask of you, get behind it, because it’s YOUR community we’re creating, you simply have to be a part of the creation. We don’t all have to “start” something to be a part, but show your support for ideas, movements, businesses and groups that share your vision in for the Phoenix community and the world. Here are some examples:

• Eat local, try Liberty Market or La Grande Orange
• Pitch in and volunteer your time/services, if you hear of someone working on something you want to be a part of or have ideas for don’t be afraid to commit to helping that group
• Donate to local start-up sanctuaries trying to make a difference like the Toys for Tots drive at Gangplank or donating items and services to Fractal/Dojo Collective
• Ask for help,  are you working on an idea or have a movement you would like support with? Don’t be afraid to ask for help, there are so many people in our community that want to make a difference you just have to connect with the right ones
• Buy your books locally (and perhaps even used), try Changing Hands Bookstore or Bookmans next time
• Thank them, if nothing else, find something you support, go up to that person/organization/business and thank them for what they do for your community and your way of life
• Share your ideas and your actions on how you support your community here and elsewhere

With all that I’ve said here, I want to thank all of you, you make up such a wonderfully rich diversity of community for me. I will continue to support the Phoenix community and I hope you’ll join me. I’m not asking you to change the way you live or how you live it, but to be thankful and support those who provide you with the that way and those means. Appreciate what you do have and support the change you want to see where ever you are.

With All My Love,

April

I’ve been sporting the black with teal stripes for a while, and while I like it, I want to mix it up a bit… so below are your choices. Remember, black as the base, so you’re just picking the stripe colors you sillies! To vote, simply leave a comment with the color name. A winner will be chosen at 5 PM today and photos will be posted of the final outcome.

That being said, today I received this Venn diagram from my boyfriend Shawn Vermillion (he likes it when I give him credit for all the awesomeness he brings to the table), and I suddenly knew that there are other people out there that appreciate the beauty of these life occasions that perfectly depict both happiness and sadness.

Original image is actually on a shirt at Diesel Sweeties, which I fully intend to purchase to proclaim my love for such magnificent emotional moments. Hmm, I wonder if this makes me bipolar…

Aprils First Shootout from ClowerPower on Vimeo.

Guess I can check that off the “I should do this” list. Thanks guys!

The new job is going splendidly! Working over at Santy has helped with the whole “paying your bills all the time” thing. Besides being a regular paycheck it’s really letting me strech my toes into information architecture, assisting in creating usable designs, and web strategies for larger companies. I have lots of great co-workers again and really great projects to sink my teeth into.

For those of you who keep tabs on my relationship status on Facebook, you may have noticed it was changed briefly to “in a relationship” and then back to “single”. Just to clear the record, I was, for four weeks, “going steady” with someone, but we’ve since gone our seperate ways after he couldn’t keep his lips, hands, and other body parts away from another woman. (I know, boo!) Don’t worry, I’m ok! Just make sure to buy me a drink the next time you see me and we’ll call it even.

My brother is a father and I’m an aunt again, before I could get the baby gifts in the mail, my sister turns up preggers again! They’re definately making up for all those babies I’m not making right now, eh? So I suppose a trip to Kansas is in order sometime soon, but before that can happen, I have to go to SXSW!

Yep, it’s that time again! Here in March I’ll be flying my butt out to Austin, TX to attend SXSW, the largest interactive conference in the United States. Well, if it’s not the largest, it’s definitely the best. Only difference is that this time I’ll be single, watch out! lol Nah, but it should be fun none the less.

Besides that I’m sure I’ll have a ton more traveling to do, the first being a trek up to the slot/antelope canyon area. Then perhaps a weekend trip to the Grand Canyon, since it’s ridiculous that I have lived in AZ for almost five years and haven’t been yet!

Anyways, thanks for listening and feel free to suggest something else I should try in 2009, totally my year, I feel it!

Some things transpired this weekend that have brought myself to question the my American sense of pride and justice. When I think of America, I think of a country that embraces differences, allows for a variety of opinions, and above all the freedom to be whom ever you would like to be. However, we’re also a country that believes in justice, doing the right thing, and holding those accountable for their actions.

This weekend, as the election drew nearer each day, Republicans were becoming more and more defensive of their position, as were Democrats, I know I said some very shrewd things about Palin in the last few days. In any rate, this sets the stage for what I’m about to share with you.

I am sitting at a table of new acquaintances, all good hard working, delightful people, celebrating a birthday, a definitely enjoyable occasion. As I sit there, comments about the election are discussed, and soon I realize I’m the only Democrat at the table. But why should I be concerned about that? They have a right to their own opinion, especially considering some of them have considered way more factors than I have regarding their decisions. Initially I was intrigued, I wanted to know what had changed their viewpoint to the other side, did they feel differently about some hot topic? But then a experience happened that I thought was below everything I know about good Americans.

The man of the hour pulls out a card that he’s received for this birthday, as he looks at the front he chuckles slightly. I’m a fan of humorous birthday cards, so I’m excited to see what has him grinning. He holds it up for everyone to see. It’s a card with Obama’s face on it, someone has drawn a noose around his neck, devil horns on his forehead, fire behind him, and a large, red swastika on his forehead.

The table roars in laughter. He hands the card around the table and each person gets a chance to have their own private chuckle as they review the handy work.

I’m simply stunned. I sit at the table, quiet, just watching the macabre of laughing faces. How could this be funny? How can I live in a country, so beautiful, so embracing of different opinions, and so just and honorable to be seeing this? Sure, they’re entitled to think that Obama isn’t the best choice for President, I can respect that. But to equate a man who wants to help and serve this country to the devil, to make a racist statement that he should be hung with a swastika carved in his forehead, how is this right and just? Sure this country has it’s problems, it’s dark side, it was not long ago that racism was a way of the public and not in hiding corners. Perhaps it was simply a joke, meant to be funny. But I would think in this day in age, these good, hard working, people would know in their hearts they had gone too far. It saddens me to see that mainstream society still accepts these items as acceptable ways of voicing their disagreement.

Honestly, I’m a bit upset by myself. For not standing up, for not saying something. I feel as if I’ve done my own dishonor to my homeland to sit there idle and not say anything to my fellow Americans. So, instead of letting this occurance go silently into the darkest corners of my memory without notice, I’m sharing it all with you. I hope that it shocks your system as much as it did mine, regardless of party, regardless of race. If it doesn’t, God help this nation.

Kaleb and I have had Annie for a little less than a year (her birthday was May 10th) and we love her soo much, she’s always full of energy and has a real personality. Since we moved to the new house we’ve been thinking that she was spending a little too much time harassing the cats, and maybe she needed her own doggie companion. So the search began! We originally discussed a Maltese since we absolutely love little Cocoa every time we visit Baker’s (a co-worker of Kaleb’s) place, but there aren’t a whole lot of them around and buying one from a breeder can be really pricey. Other breeds that made it onto our short list were Italian Greyhound and Papillon. I’ve always loved the look of the Italian Greyhound, but I was worried about the match up between Annie’s short stature (being a doxie and all) and the tall lanky Greyhound. Papillons are also one of my favorites, but they were in the same boat as the Maltese.

While we bought Annie from a breeder, I really didn’t want to do that again. It’s expensive, you have all that work of training a baby puppy, the cost of the puppy shots, the new microchip, the spay/neuter, etc, etc. Not to mention there are so many homeless pups that are just in need of a wonderful loving home. So we started looking at adoptable pets in the Maricopa area. We found a wonderful tool to really help us, and I’m so glad there’s a website out there for this! It’s called PetFinder.com and it basically is a network where shelters and rescues can list adoptable animals. You can search by breed, age, size, etc which made it really easy for us to find possible matches for Annie really quickly. That’s where we found Edward, we contacted AJ’s Best Friends (his rescue agency) and scheduled a meetup as quickly as we could! Eddie is half Chihuahua and half Dachshund which makes him the perfect size for Annie. We love his pointy ears too!

When Annie and Eddie first met, Edward was quite shy and just wanted to curl up in Sherri’s (Edward’s foster mom) lap and bury his little head. But Annie seemed really interested in this new dog friend and tried to get him to play, he did a bit, but just really didn’t know if he could come out of his puppy shell. After a while Kaleb and I decided that Eddie was a really sweet pup and we were sure the two would warm up to each other eventually.  So after some quick paperwork, Eddie came home with us!

We renamed Edward from his original name (Jelly Belly) because we feel that our dogs are our babies, and they deserve human names and to be treated with equal rights as humans. Plus, there’s a story! When we went to meet Edward he had just had his nails trimmed, and I was wearing shorts since it was hot out. Since he was so excited to meet us he was jumping up and scratching my legs with his newly trimmed nails. Pretty soon my legs looked horribly scratched and red, Kaleb exclaimed, “It looks like Edward Scissor Paws got you you!”  So the name Edward stuck. It’s a good nickname and goes well with Anniezilla!

He’s been with us two days now, and LOVING every minute of it! Annie and Eddie are like two peas in a pod now, they’re never more than a few feet away from each other at any given time and play together like they’re littermates. Edward has had a few accidents in the house, but we pretty much expected that with him still being a puppy and all, but overall he’s been a great sport learning the puppy pads quickly and when we go outside he doesn’t fool around! Kaleb kids him, “Annie has ears the size of Jupiter and Eddie has a bladder the size of Pluto.”

If you are a dog lover or if you’ve had the pleasure of meeting Annie or Eddie, feel free to follow their twitter feed. They’re always up to something, and they have a particularly interesting view of the world!

If you’d like to know more about rescuing animals in Phoenix, becoming a foster family for rescued or abused animals, or how you can help animals in need by donating time or money, please contact AJ’s Best Friends or the Maricopa County Animal Care and Control. While on our hunt for the perfect pooch companion we learned that several rescue agencies in the Valley received over 100 dogs and puppies from puppy mills in Missouri over the course of this weekend, so they really can use your help right now as much as ever.

In the meantime, I’m starting to wonder about what to do next. I’m 25, I just bought my first house, due to get marred in Sept., financially sound and have everything I ever dreamed of having when I was a little girl. So…. what’s next?

My entire life I’ve had a goal, that next stepping stone to leap for without looking. Now, I’m standing at the green pasture I was traveling to and looking around to wonder where I go from here.

Upon further evaluation of my current situation, the only thing I see I want to change is my… weight.  Oh yea, you know it, it’s that time for my self image to come rearing its ugly head. I’m not obese by any means, you won’t ever hear me talk about “OMG I am SOOO fat!” but there are some lumps and bumps that weren’t attached to me before that I definitely wouldn’t mind loosing. So course of action?

Well we’re going to attack this beast from two flanks. I’m going to eat right and exercise, because I hear… all of one and none of the other doesn’t really do it. So lets break down the plan here a bit further.

Eating Right

We all tell ourselves we’re going to eat better, we may end up crash salading for a while and then give up and dive head first into the chocolate cake. I have tried cooking at home and eating out less, cutting soda out of my lifestyle, etc. But, I began to wonder, am I really eating right or just torturing myself and filling up somewhere else? Weight Watchers has these commercials on right now, showcasing a free week of their online tool that helps you measure your progress, so I looked up the cost. I was pleased to see that my monthly subscription to Weight Watchers isn’t any more expensive than a monthly subscription to World of Warcraft, and perhaps much better for myself. So here’s where the fun begins, because I started to think of it like a GAME!

I log in, fill out my little height, weight, age and find out that I’m ten pounds over the “healthy maximum” for my height and age. What a shocker! I knew I wasn’t “fit” but really? I’m overwieght? So come to find out my range is 115-135, I’m sitting at 145lbs. Yes, I did, I broadcast my weight online for everyone to see, but you can track my progress too!  The next step you get to set your “goal”, so I kept it easy, 130lbs.

After you set up your target, then you can choose your meal plan, there is the FLEX plan that gives you a certain number of points and you can eat whatever you want as long as you stay within a certain number of points a day/week. Then there’s the core plan that seemed more strict. So for me, just starting, FLEX was the way for me. So using the FLEX plan I get 21 points per day (this is based on how much weight I want to loose, etc), and then I get 35 points to spend however I want through the week (that slice of chocolate cake after dinner out, etc).

Now here’s where the strange stuff starts, now I have to track everything, I mean EVERYTHING I eat or drink. I decided to practice a bit and put in everything I had eaten yesterday (mind you I’m signing up around 5 pm).  After I got done I realized no wonder I’m overwieght, yesterday I consumed 49.5 points! That’s more than DOUBLE what I’m suppose to be eating!

After I found this out, I started really analysing where those points came from, and after looking through my entries, it all made sense. Those little times through out the day, I say.. oh, it’s just a slice of cheese pizza, just a grilled cheese sandwich, its really not doing me any favors at all. All these items come into my life because I don’t know what to make, I just pull something quick and easy out of the fridge and make it happen. So I hit up the recipe area to start doing some meal planing. A quick dash to the grocery store for some new awesome fruit and veggie choices and I’m ready to rock and roll today. I’ll let you know how I’m doing!

Getting Off Your Bum

Thankfully exercise isn’t going to be hard part here. In the recent past I’ve been exercising on a semi-regular basis, so I just need to conjure up a real schedule and stick to it. Going to pull up the LA Fitness (my gym I’m already a member of) and look into some of the classes they have, I love Yoga and Pilates a ton, so going to those classes will be easy for me. The motivation is really good here because I love the feeling I get after I work out, I feel better, I breathe better (ex-smoker ya know) and I actually feel like I have more energy.

The hard part here, is Kaleb. He has a crappy commute from work to home at night, so when he gets home, he’s a lounge bug. I love to just relax after a hard day with him, but once we get into that mode it’s hard for either of us to want to be physically active. He bought a treadmill, but we still haven’t set it up since we moved in, so our chances of really getting on the thing are slim. Perhaps, as I go he’ll start hopping on the band wagon, he doesn’t have to do my classes per say, but he could run or do weights while I’m in class too.

Anyhow, that’s my new goal, and it will be lifelong once I start getting it together. Wish me luck and I’ll keep you updated on my success!